found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
