I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
please don't ironically join a cult
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