walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
