we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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