I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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