the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
