I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
