How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
