he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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