He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
