even my farts smell like vagina
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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