I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
