I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
