Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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