i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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