my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
