The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize