capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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