He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
