me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
