dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh god it's open bar.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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