Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
