WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
