i already hear my dad disowning me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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