It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
