I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
