Dual....:-)
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
