got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
