i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
