I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
