New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
