Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
