I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
