paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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