How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
