I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
