i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize