i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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