call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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