Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
