my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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