tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
