So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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