I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
