I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
