we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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