Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize