I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
