Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Green mimosas i think yes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
