genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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