i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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