i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So much rum. So many feels.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
