I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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