dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
