Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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