my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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