it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
