I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
