apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
