My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
