The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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