She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
