Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize