Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
