he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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