Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
