you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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