Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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