I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buhtt sex?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
