I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
