I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
