your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
